


felt you in my heart (before i knew you)

by bitsori



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Childhood Friends, F/F, First Love, Summer Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:20:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26046406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitsori/pseuds/bitsori
Summary: Seulgi was 16 when she first met Seungwan, 19 when she first fell in love. ( AU )
Relationships: Kang Seulgi/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Comments: 12
Kudos: 52
Collections: Girl Group Jukebox - Mixtape Round





	felt you in my heart (before i knew you)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Girl Group Jukebox's MIXTAPE ROUND](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/ggjbmixtape)  
> Inspired by Tegan & Sara's [Nineteen](https://open.spotify.com/track/4d5Fh06O9uexQSlbi8i3v5)

  
  


“How do I look?” Seulgi asks, stepping out of her room so she can model her chosen outfit for her housemate.

Sooyoung looks up from where she's curled up on the couch, a pint of ice cream cradled in her arms and a spoon dangling off her mouth; some foreign drama that’s on Netflix is playing on the TV, and Sooyoung has to take the spoon out of her mouth and reach for the remote so she can pause the show.

“You look like you,” she says simply, after giving Seulgi a quick head to toe perusal. Her mouth curves into an amused smile. “What’s with the sudden fuss?”

Seulgi’s personal fashion is generally centered around comfort, but today she feels like she has to look better than usual. Like she has to look special to feel special, because today _is_ special. 

“I’m picking up a friend at the airport,” she explains.

That gets her a curious squint from Sooyoung. “Who?” 

“No one you know,” Seulgi answers, and Sooyoung’s eyebrows shoot up immediately; it’s somewhat understandable considering Sooyoung is familiar with most of the people in Seulgi’s life – a consequence of having been roommates for almost two years. “But maybe I’ll let you meet her.”

A smile naturally curves on her lips at the thought – she tries not to, but she can’t help herself, and if the way Sooyoung squints at her suspiciously is any indication, it clearly isn’t lost on the younger either.

“If you say so, unnie,” Sooyoung sing-songs, leaning back in her seat and pointing the remote at the TV again. “You look like yourself as usual though—but the skirt is really nice,” she says, right before she resumes the show she was watching.

Seulgi takes her words as a compliment, and she allows her smile to grow wider as she turns to head back to her room, her skirt twirling in a way that makes her feel extra pretty as she does so. 

  
  


Seulgi was 11 when she began visiting her grandmother in South Jeolla for three weeks every year during summer break. That first year it had been because things were a little shaky at home; her parents were fighting a lot, so they had sent her and her older brother to stay with their grandmother for a while. 

Things had eased up after that. Her life didn't dramatically transform into some sort of after school special because her parents had worked things out just fine, and are now back to being happy and content with each other. After that summer, however, her grandmother kept asking Seulgi to come and visit, and being the sweet and filial granddaughter she is, she had simply made a habit of it. 

It was during one of these summers—the one when she was 16, the last summer right before she entered high school—that Seulgi first met Seungwan. _(Wendy,_ as she initially introduced herself— _Wannie,_ as Seulgi eventually got used to calling her.)

She was from Canada—or, well, she was born in Seoul, but her family had moved to Canada when she was 10. Her family was vacationing for the summer, and they were staying with relatives who lived just down the street from Seulgi’s grandmother.

She was bright and friendly and open, much unlike Seulgi who was more shy and subdued, especially around new people. The two of them gravitated towards each other anyway, partly because they were the only two girls who were the same age in the immediate area; it was no big surprise when, after only three weeks, their first goodbye had been sad and heavy, yet filled with promises of writing to each other as much as they can.

“I’ll send you pictures too!” Seungwan promised when they first said goodbye, her arms wrapped tightly around Seulgi like she really didn’t want to let go. 

  
  
  


The second summer that Seulgi and Seungwan spent together was the break in the middle of Seulgi’s first year of high school. She didn’t really feel any more mature than she did a year prior, but Seungwan gave off that air during their correspondence and when she first saw Seungwan again after the latter had knocked on her grandmother’s house, armed with a paper bag filled with Canadian snacks that she had promised to share with Seulgi in letters that she wrote over the last eleven months, Seulgi had felt small— _young,_ despite being a good eleven days older.

And then Seungwan smiled widely and let out a happy squeal right before she lunged at Seulgi for a hug, and she realised that she was overthinking things. Seungwan was happy to see her, as happy as Seulgi was to be in Seungwan’s presence again and that was what mattered.

They spent hours catching up on each other’s lives; days helping Seulgi’s grandmother cleaning up her house, and weeks exploring the small farming town much like they had the year before.

“Best friends,” was what Seungwan whispered to Seulgi’s ear that year, pinkies hooked together as they bid each other farewell, and _see you again next year._

  
  
  


The third summer, Seungwan told Seulgi all about her first boyfriend.

His name was Brian, she said, and they went to the same Sunday School, and they sang at choir together. He was cute, and sweet and kind and he ate a lot, “but that’s okay, because he’s a growing boy, I guess,” Seungwan shared amidst soft giggles.

Seulgi has always been a hopeless romantic. As far back as middle school, she had mostly enjoyed romance movies, and romantic manhwas. She was enamored with the idea of falling in love—of finding someone who would fit her perfectly, and who she could lean on and entrust her heart with. 

All the dramas she watched, and all the books she read told of princesses getting swept away by princes; of poor girls who caught the eye of the rich heirs; of normal girls who always had to choose between her best guy friend and the handsome bad boy who made her life exciting.

All the great romances she enjoyed were stories about a woman and a man falling in love, and Seulgi assumed that was just how it was.

So she was happy for her friend, and in return she told him about Jongin, the boy who sat behind her in class—that’s who she used to tell her friends in Seoul that she liked, even though she stopped doing so after he started going out with Soojung, and even though she never really felt butterflies in her stomach whenever he was around.. 

“If you could kiss someone—if you could date someone in our year, who would it be?” was everyone’s favorite hush-hush question after Seulgi stepped foot in high school, and the truth was that there was no one, but Jongin was the safest answer she could think of.

_If you could kiss someone—who would it be?_

It wasn’t until that summer that Seulgi truly figured out the answer to this question, and hopeless romantic that she was—she allowed herself to be swept away in her fantasy and when she and Seungwan said their goodbyes at the end of their vacation, she made her move.

She kissed Seungwan, softly but surely—at least until panic settled and she remembered that _Crap, Seungwan has a boyfriend._

Not to mention: _Oh no, they’re both girls._

  
  
  


(She had agonised about maybe, possibly ruining their friendship for good, and that hurt Seulgi more than anything else because Seungwan had somehow turned into her best friend over the last three years – but then she started receiving Seungwan’s letters like nothing had changed at all and the relief she felt was enough to momentarily make her forget any kind of romantic designs towards girls and boys, both.)

  
  
  


The fourth summer was their last together. 

Seulgi wasn’t even supposed to come anymore because she should be getting ready for college entrance exams but she wanted to see Seungwan. 

(And her grandmother—she wanted to come and see her grandmother as well, of course.) 

The first day initially felt the same as the ones before—Seungwan had knocked on Seulgi’s grandmother’s house, and both of them had squealed and made happy noises when they saw each other. They hugged, and talked, and _talked,_ and planned out their next three weeks with each other, but the more time they spent together the more obvious it was that something was different in the air between them.

They were more grown up, and even though it hardly showed in their physical stature, it was in the vibe between them—it was in the way Seungwan talked, still excitable, but with more composure; it was in the way that Seulgi carried herself, less shy and more self-assured.

It was in the way Seungwan’s touches, whether brief or lingering, left a warm buzz on Seulgi’s skin.

It wasn’t until three days into their vacation, when they were helping out at Seungwan’s relatives’ apple orchard, that Seungwan made the first move.

“There’s something that I’ve been meaning to do,” Seungwan said, matter-of-fact, as if she was simply making a comment about the ripeness of the apples they were picking and washing. “I’ve been thinking about it all year,” she even clarified, and this was the point when Seulgi had turned to look at her curious, but oblivious.

And then Wendy started to lean in, and Seulgi was so caught off-guard that she ended up dropping the basket of apples she was carrying; Seungwan, in turn, was surprised at the tumble of fruits at their feet and both of them ended up laughing at, and with each other.

But then, of course, the hysterics eventually calmed, and when Seungwan moved closer again Seulgi was ready.

  
  
  


Seulgi takes a deep breath as she parks her car at the airport parking lot. She catches her reflection in the rearview mirror to make sure she looks fine—she doesn’t know why she’s so nervous.

Or—truthfully, maybe she does.

It’s been five years since she last saw Seungwan in person, and a lot has changed since then. She’s far more confident now, and she knows more about herself than she did when she was 19. She graduated from university over a year ago, and she’s now working as a brand manager at a mid-sized marketing firm, with a career trajectory that’s looking mighty promising.

She’s dated women here and there, enough times to be confident about who she is and who she wants; she was even in a long-term relationship with an older woman during her last two years of university, and while that clearly hadn’t been the romantic ever after she had once envisioned it could be, her time with Joohyun had been more than illuminating and had helped her feel more settled about what she wants in life and from people around her.

Seulgi is successful and happy and she knows herself pretty well; she’s a grown up woman, matured in all ways and yet—here she is, with butterflies fluttering like crazy in her stomach at the thought of reuniting with a friend that she hasn’t seen in so many years. 

She can’t help but wonder what Seungwan is expecting of her.

Seulgi’s grandmother said to them once, “the two of you get along so well, don’t you?” and Seungwan had answered, with a smile, and a tone so self-assured.

“Yes, halmeoni, we already know that!”

Seulgi chooses to let herself be calmed by her recollection of these words.

  
  
  


The most vivid memory that Seulgi has of Seungwan is from that last summer they had with each other: 

Seulgi is sprawled on Seungwan’s bed, her white tank top clinging tightly on her torso, soaked with sweat even though the electric fan is at max setting and pointed steadily towards her.

Seungwan is seated at the foot of the bed, her guitar cradled in her arms. She’s humming a familiar tune under her breath with her fingers lightly plucking at the strings. Seulgi stares at her, moving her legs so their limbs are tangled together.

“What are you doing?” Seungwan asks, her fingers going still. She giggles lightly and Seulgi scrunches her nose.

Seulgi pulls herself up, supporting her upper body with her elbows, and she studies Seungwan—Seungwan’s face, Seungwan’s hands, Seungwan’s hands on her guitar, Seungwan’s everything.

Seungwan squints at her, as if trying to figure out what she’s thinking; eventually she sets aside her guitar, tilts her head and raises an eyebrow, questioning.

Seulgi laughs, low and throaty and it clearly gets to Seungwan, who squeals when the former grabs her arm and pulls her down towards her. Seungwan ends up hovering above Seulgi, hands on either side of the latter’s head. Seulgi smiles, still a little shy despite how normal this scenario has been between them all summer; her hands make their way to Seungwan’s head, fingers entangling themselves through her hair.

Seulgi wonders if she tastes like the raspberry flavored lip balm she regularly applies to prevent her lips from chapping; she knows for sure that Seungwan tastes like the apples her relatives harvest and export.

Seungwan’s fingers feel tingly as they lightly dance over Seulgi’s curves, and Seulgi’s hands feel warm as they creep up Seungwan’s t-shirt, grazing her ribs. Seungwan giggles when Seulgi plants kisses along her collarbone and Seulgi laughs against her skin, knowing it’s a very ticklish spot for her friend.

Seulgi has never known anything else that feels as exhilarating as kissing Seungwan, not even that one time she had kissed her friend Sehun because of a dare. Seungwan swore that she has never really had much practice in this area either, despite having been in a relationship before—either way, they both know that _this,_ between them, it’s different.

Sometimes words get stuck in Seulgi’s throat, words that she wants so badly to tell Seungwan, words that she knows are a hundred percent true. They get stuck because it scares Seulgi, the magnitude of her feelings.

But Seungwan also makes Seulgi feel like neither of them really has to say anything; when Seungwan looks at her, she knows she’s not alone with her feelings. She basks in this knowledge, and when she sees Seungwan struggling, she fixes it with a kiss, sometimes slow and sweet, sometimes more urgent, but always, always reassuring.

They both know it’s going to be goodbye soon, just a few more days and it will be time for them to return to their real lives. Seungwan had confessed that it was her last summer visiting like this—both of them were graduating high school soon, which means different priorities.

But somehow, they both just know—you don’t just forget the first time you hear your heart beating in tune with someone else’s.

  
  
  


Seulgi spots Seungwan immediately when she exits immigration. She’s still tiny, but to Seulgi, she stands out anyway. 

“Seungwan-ah!” she calls out, jumping and waving her arms in excitement.

The way Seungwan’s face lights up is exactly like it used to when they were teenagers, and so is the way she runs to Seulgi so she can throw herself onto her and give her a hug.

“You smell the same,” Seungwan comments after they separate, and it makes Seulgi laugh.

“You cut your hair,” is what Seulgi answers with; they might not have seen each other in years, but she’s seen Seungwan’s updates on Facebook and in her last updates her hair had been long, cascading down past her shoulders. Now it’s cropped short and dyed blonde.

“Does it look bad?” Seungwan asks, and there’s an unfamiliar tinge of self-consciousness in her tone. It strangely makes Seulgi relax, because she recognises it as a mirror of her own nervousness.

“No, it’s beautiful,” she answers. “You’re beautiful,” she adds, shy but trying to be confident. She knows she chose the right thing to say when Seungwan’s familiar bright smile naturally graces her features in response.

They link arms, and Seulgi starts rambling about the things she has planned for Seungwan’s visit, but even she isn’t really paying attention to the words coming out of her mouth.

That familiar warmth, that excited humming across her skin wherever Seungwan is touching; the fluttering in her stomach and the rhythmic thump-thump of her heartbeat as it gradually matches with Seungwan’s—they’re all coming back and Seulgi feels nineteen again, excited for the sun, Seungwan’s company, and the promise of tomorrow.

  
  
  


_I felt you in my legs, before I ever met you_ _  
_ _And when I lay beside you, for the first time, I told you_

  
  
  
  


++

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this wasn't too on the nose; thank you for making it to the end. Feedback is always much appreciated!


End file.
